


Words Are Useless Here

by The_Poet (orphan_account)



Series: WAUH Series - Ereri [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (really he's just going through heartbreak aw), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Budding Love, Bully Eren Yeager, Business Trip, College, Depressed Eren Yeager, Drunk Sex, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Implied Levi/Erwin Smith, Js, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, POV Eren Yeager, Pining Eren Yeager, Pining Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Short Chapter Warning, this book is going to end on a cliffhanger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-12 09:03:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7928836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/The_Poet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since Eren could remember, he had loved Levi. That strong boy who saved him from Hanji's terrible friend-making tactics and out up with him throughout their school careers. <br/>After Eren finds out that Erwin and Levi are a couple, he completely breaks, turns cruel to everyone but his friends but as time goes on he begins trying to woo Levi yet again and takes advantage of Erwins year-long business trip to work his magic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI PLEASE READ THE TAGS I REALLY DON'T WANT PEOPLE YELLING AT ME ABOUT "NOT TAGGING" THANKS  
> \--  
> Alright so I gave in and now I'm writing a second book, this one is making me happy because I'm going to try and choose a song for every chapter that either relates or is just nice to listen to on low volume while you read idk.  
> I'm used to writing in third person so if I fuck up and say "Eren" instead of "I" please tell me in a comment so I can fix it! My books are completely unedited because I'm a shit and like to post stuff without anyone changing sentences.  
> This Chapter's Song Is: Youth by Daughter -> www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEpMj-tqixs

I’m pretty sure I’ve always loved him. What I noticed first was his jet black hair, next was how  _ tall _ he was compared to me and how strong. My little five year old heart swelled at the sight of the boy before me that chased off the crazy ten year old before me, proclaiming that she “ _ just wanted to be my friend! _ ” He didn’t say much to me, just helped me stand and asked if I was alright before walking off with the redheaded girl. I - a five year old kindergartener - had found his true love.

I spent the years bothering Levi and Hanji, eventually they accepted my scrawny ass into their group and I followed them around aimlessly until they finished elementary school. I was still in grade two when they graduated, all teary eyed and pouty faced as Hanji squeezed the life out of me, promising me that she would force Levi with her to visit me everyday after school, and he...well he didn’t look too affected by our separation, I wish some sort of raw emotion came from him...if only.

I wished that Hanji’s promise was true. I understood that highschool was difficult and probably homework heavy, but why couldn’t they bother to visit me anymore after the first month? I became a ghost. 

I eventually put down my foot and always,  _ always _ showed up to Hanji’s house after school and we would go to Levi’s, often spending the night on weekends. His mom would smile and make cookies for us, ask how on earth an eight year old could get along with thirteen year olds. I would just shrug and smile, always looking back to Levi with a bright grin that was only reserved for him.  _ Only _ for him.

.~~

I was a silly thirteen year old boy, barely able to fit into my shoes and dropping voice, my height sky scraping and soon threatening my father's large stature, all the boys at school were either jealous or bullied me and called me a giraffe, ah whatever, if I was a giraffe than I was. Let them call me whatever they wanted.

That was how my mind processed things before it happened it was hard to process, my heart being unused to being damaged that bad and I just...I broke.

I walked up to Levi’s house, guitar hanging over my shoulder like a limb - it was always on me every since I had taken lessons years ago, I would play for Levi, he told me he loved my playing - though he was drunk when he said that. Ever since then I always carried it and strived to have more songs for the ravenette to listen to, but today there was a chance of it being completely useless.

I knocked at the door slowly, nervously gnawing on the bottom of my lip as footfalls sounded through the house. I furrowed my brows. They were much too heavy to be Levi’s. Before I was given more time to think about it the door opened to reveal a mature looking blonde, his ice-blue eyes staring at me with a raised brow. I had no time to stop myself, all my fences coming up at once.

“Who are you?” I uttered, my fists curling at my side. The man chuckled as he looked over me. He was judging me, wondering what a child was doing at Levi’s doorstep. Though I was doing the same for this idiot...why was he in Levi’s house? I had never been told about him! Levi never mentioned having more friends than me and Hanji...so who?   
“Erwin Smith. Levi’s boyfriend. And you?” Those eyes raked over my own skin like rough, rusty nails. I shivered at the sensation before I opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by a third voice.

“Erwin? Who’s there?”  _ Levi. _

The door opened wider to reveal Levi, looking as perfect as ever. I was close to forgetting about this self-proclaimed boyfriend and still confess to Levi but the surprised look that Levi was sending me turned me off instantly.  _ Don’t be surprised, tell this guy to leave, say he’s telling a lie, something!  _ Nothing came from Levi, not even as Erwin wrapped an arm around the ravenettes waist as if to prove his point. I just scowled and dug my nails into my palms, why did I think this would work anyway? Levi is five years older...about to head off to college, he doesn’t need a scrawny idiot like me.

“Nobody important.” I finally answered Erwin, my eyes falling to the ground before I turned and walked down the pathway. Levi called my name, three times to be exact  _ “Eren….Eren….Eren!”  _ He was walking after me, ignoring the protests that came from Erwin. I should have been softened by this but I wasn’t, a low growl came from my lips and tears threatened to pool down my cheeks. My feet carried me quicker, faster, I was running now and Levi was long gone, that raven hair and strong frame out of sight and out of mind...ha.

If only.

~~

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, my heavy breathing disabling me from letting out sobs of pain. It didn’t just hurt me mentally, but physically as well. Maybe it was because I was running but my heart felt like it was going to explode, my head pounded and my vision was white, I was surprised that I managed to make it home without a scratch somehow.

Luckily no one was home. Dad was working, Mom was shopping, and Mikasa was out for soccer practise. So, as I slammed the door behind me, the first of my heartbroken sobs rolled through me, filling the house.

So many people would laugh at me, here I was; a lovestruck teenage boy going through his first heartbreak, a story that usually girls squeal over when it’s about other girls. I would be seen as weak, pathetic for loving someone  _ so _ out of his league and still have the nerve to cry about it. My sobs stopped, instead I was growling. How could Levi not tell me about Erwin?  _ How?  _ I did my best to please him, make the man happy and yet..I didn’t succeed in the end, were my efforts futile?

I stood, walking up to my bedroom and set my guitar in the corner of my room - I wouldn’t touch it again, not for years at least, music would be a dead part of me, as well as the kind, gentle soul I had been known to be.  _ No one _ would ever see me weak, not Levi, not Hanji, not Armin or Mikasa, and most definitely  _ not _ Erwin.

I may have made that decision, but it didn’t change the fact that I was still a lovestruck idiot that refused to let Levi go.


	2. Broken By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really really short chapter, I'm super sorry but I needed to get this part of Erens life out of the way, I don't want to focus on it for too long. The present time is when stuff happens. Next chapter we follow a little of bully Eren and then his transition into college.
> 
> This Chapters Song: I Can't Make You Love Me/Nick of Time by Bon Iver www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MJio3s2wFI doesn't really apply to this chapter, but I was listening to it in the background so it's nice background noise aye

I hated it. I hated that I would always be called by my friends asking me to go out. I hated that they would visit me and ask if I was sick. I hated that my mother would come in my room with a worried face and my father would frown and tell her that I was just being a boy,  _ “doing as boys do”  _ he would say. What the hell is that supposed to mean dad?

I wanted to scream at the world, every day I wanted to scream at the sun that rose up and woke me from my slumber, I wanted to scream at Mikasa as she sat beside me and just  _ held me _ . She didn’t have to ask what the problem was, I don’t think she ever asked...she just came home from soccer practise that day and came up to my room and found me curled up. She didn’t ask any questions, only walked in and kissed my forehead like a good older sister would, blood or not.

She was the only one that knew about Levi, how I loved that man to the moon and back. I trusted her not to laugh, she didn’t. She would always watch me go on about how perfect he was and smile sadly. She knew. She knew it would never work out, he was too old and I was too young. He was calm and collected and I was a bright ray of sunshine that bounced off the walls. I was probably like a little brother to him instead of a potential boyfriend....yeah, that’s it.

~~

I watched my mom scurry around the kitchen to get lunch all cleaned up. My dad sat across from me reading the papers and Mikasa was still slowly picking at her soup and sandwich, something was bothering her. I had no time to ask her before her gaze landed on me for a moment and spoke up.

“Jean is having a little get together tonight, he said to invite you, you’ve been cooped up in the house for a month now...summer only lasts for so long, Eren.” Dad looked up from his papers and mom turned around with a warm smile, the thought of her only son going depressed probably took a toll on her, so she probably enjoyed the thought of Eren going.

“Yes! I think that’s a wonderful idea!” I groaned, raking a hand through my messy hair before glaring at Mikasa who looked quite pleased with herself.

“Why the hell would I want to hang out with that idiot? I mean come on Mikasa, you know we don’t get along.” Mikasa just shrugged before sipping her juice, grey eyes landing on me again.

“Oh well, if it gets you out of the house I can’t see why not right? You don’t have to talk to him, Eren.” I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes at that, as if. If Jean tried something there was a good chance I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back like usual, which was the truth. Because  _ somehow _ I ended up going over to Jeans house with Mikasa and Armin and of  _ course _ the horse faced shithead started up, calling me out and yeah - I was still pissed about what had happened earlier that month, it was more than impossible to keep myself back.

Long story short; Jean got a broken nose, and I a black eye. Whatever, I wasn’t the one with a crooked nose, I could live, it didn’t hurt as much as everything else anyway, I think I would happily take broken bones inflicted by Jean than Levi breaking my heart...not that he intentionally did it. I had to admit that.

My mom asked a million questions when I got home, I answered none. Mikasa was glaring daggers into my back as I walked away and up the stairs back to my room that I resided in for the rest of the summer. Why would I show my face again? And anyways, no one dared to call me again or visit, just Armin who would beg me to come out of my room for what seemed like hours before he went to just hang out with Mikasa.

Perhaps it was me overreacting, but I had dedicated myself to Levi for almost my entire life, what did I get in return? A blonde god-like man telling me that  _ he _ was Levi’s boyfriend. Shit. I was angry at Levi, I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t told, why I was lead on...and yet I couldn’t bring myself to ask, I had ignored both Levi and Hanji for the summer, never answering phone calls that came from either of them.


	3. Hushed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final back flash chapter, from now on we will write in the present time which is when Eren is in his final year of college, so a big skip. Things progressed the same way where Eren tried to stay as Levi's friend and calmed down from his asshole years.
> 
> This Chapter's Song Is: Pumped up Kicks by Foster The People - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDTZ7iX4vTQ

The sounds of chalk scraping against the board was more of a nuisance than anything. My headache only talking the noises and amplifying them in my head. I was meant to be writing down the note that my English teacher was writing out for the class but I couldn’t have cared less.

“Eren, are you writing this or what?” Despite her best efforts, I never listened or wrote down her notes. I was always doodling in my notebook or staring out the window, I wasn’t drawing attention to myself by talking to other people - heck, no one wanted to talk to me anyway! Not anymore. Once I entered highschool I cut the goodie two shoes act and shut myself down. No one would see me weak, no one would hurt me again, and that was it. If someone tried to fight I would give them what they wanted and if someone tried to talk to me I would just flat out ignore them. Well, not Mikasa and Armin, as if I would ignore them…

~~

“You should text him, Eren.” My eyes widened at the suggestion that came from Mikasa. I stared at her and shook my head, mouth gaping wide. She hated Levi, he was an enemy to her, always had been. Told me that he was going to hurt me somehow and when he did she wouldn’t dare to forgive him, so why was she telling me to text him?

“Why? He’ll just ignore me..” My self pity still ran deep in my veins, I knew it was pathetic, I should be sucking it up and try to just keep Levi as my friend! I had been ignoring him for four months now, I had heard that he went into the city’s best university for a business degree. Like a successful man like him would want to still talk to me…

“Eren. Listen I don’t like it, but he makes you happy. You’re a sad kid all hung up over a lost love, just go text him and get talking so you won’t lose him forever.” I had to wonder if it was a joke, I stared at Mikasa again to try and decode her but no sort of proof she was lying ever came. She was honest, sincere, putting my wellbeing before her own feelings. What a good sister.

“Fine, just one text. That’s all” Except it wouldn’t just be  _ one text _ , it would be dozens of needy, apologising texts, telling that perfect ravenette how idiotic I was. He would just say  _ “It’s alright Eren, stop saying sorry you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry that Erwin scared you.”  _ My breath hitched at that.

He thought I was  _ afraid _ of Erwin. He didn’t know my real intentions. For some this would be a sigh of relief  _ ‘Oh good, he didn’t figure out what I meant to do.’   _ No, no I  _ wanted _ Levi to realise my love for him. I was growling again, my vision blurring as tears threatened to fall again, my eyes flickering around my bedroom wildly before landing on my guitar.

How could I be so stupid? Why did I think Levi would understand the situation? Or, maybe he did, and chose to play dumb.

After that text I didn’t reply. I just started at my yellow-stained walls with furrowed brows, hurt blanketing me for a second time that year.

~~

“H-Hey now...Calm down Eren!” White rage ran through me, my hands curling into fists at my sides only spurred on by how fragile Sasha looked in front of me. Perfect, she’s my next target than.

“What do you think you were doing?! Are you stupid?” Every fiber in my body told me to stop, that this was  _ wrong _ . Sasha was my friend and had been for a long time, and yet here I was screaming at her over practically nothing. And yet, even with my instincts telling me no, do not harm, my heart told me yes, let her feel your pain.

“I-I’ll return it! Just please don’t hurt me!” Tears were rolling down her cheeks now, my shadow looming over her. She didn’t do anything wrong, just ran off with Armin’s lunch jokingly saying she would eat it all, a typical thing for her if someone hadn’t eaten as fast as her. Somehow I found myself getting angrier and angrier as I ran after her, reminded of the day I ran from Levi’s house. What a coward I was.

“Eren what the hell!” I was shaken out of it by Connie’s voice, his face scrunched up in pure disgust, it was directed at me.

I blinked a few times, looking between Sasha and Connie, trying to figure out  _ why _ I decided to do something this stupid.

“What the hell Jaeger!” I winced, Jeans voice filtering into my head too late, because an angry fist landed in the side of my head, knocking me over and onto the ground. When I looked up, Connie was brushing off Sasha, Jean was glaring daggers at me, Armin was asking what happened and Mikasa..well, she just looked disappointed.

~~

During my highschool career, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. What brought it on became unknown to doctors and blamed it on bad genes that activated in my early teens, they say that happens a lot...though I knew that wasn’t the case. Perhaps I exhibited signs of BPD but hell - I knew it was because of what had happened with Levi, so I forced myself to be a good friend and put up with Erwin. Yeah, he was around a lot after I found out about him. I never spoke to Levi when he was close to Erwin, it only pissed me off but somehow I managed through the four years of school, even managed to get to a point where I would openly flirt with him. I could occasionally catch him blush at my words but quickly relax once Erwin stepped back into the room, you would expect him to glare or tell me to fuck off but none of that ever came. Ever.

Perhaps I couldn’t be his boyfriend, but I would be the best dang friend he could ever have.


	4. Just A Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters Song: All Those Friendly People - Funeral Suits www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j4l_NdkYMQ&index=2&list=PL3IqGbvFWIUr3hUcG_3Milzk96lLUVyqd

Somewhere along the line I picked up my guitar again. If you are lucky enough to have learned how to play an instrument and come to love it, you’ll understand that you can’t just drop music out of your life, you’ll always be humming along to the tunes on the radio in your parent’s car or tapping to an invisible beat. You can’t erase music from your life, no matter how hard you try.

I never told anyone that I did it, especially not Mikasa. I said before that she was the only one that knew about my crush on Levi and how I played _ just _ for him, if she figured out I was playing again she would think that I was recovering. That I was OK. 

I wasn’t

Through years of inhuman determination and patience I managed to calm my anger and forced myself to Levi’s side weather Erwin was around or not. The man had been my friend for too long just to let him go, he was something special and I would be insane to just let him go.

I managed to graduate high school with moderate marks and got into the local college for an arts degree. Now you might be asking now “Didn’t you say you gave up music?” Sure. Sort of. I could still write music without getting my hand slapped, right?

I remember the day Levi asked what program I got into, I’m sure I lit up like a Christmas tree as I went on about the music program I was in, there was a pained expression on his face - probably finally coming to realise that even as a nineteen year old I still adored music and yet - I gave it up so long ago.

“Eren, why don’t you play guitar anymore?” I was taken aback by the question. I settled and sat back down, staring at the ground while my mind raced to find the right words. Was it alright to tell Levi now? That I was a lovestruck kid and gave up music because of it? That - no, I couldn’t do that, he would just ask why I haven’t picked it back up if my crush was long gone. I would be stuck in a rut then.

“I just don’t.” I shrugged my shoulders, my eyes falling back on Levi’s. “I forgot how.” Lies. All of it was. I could still play, I had been for almost a year now, I was surprised he didn’t question the roughness of my fingers.

~~ Time: Eren Yeager’s Senior Year

I looked over my old, worn guitar that neatly sat in the corner of my dorm room. I could hear my dorm mates going on about their first day of their last year at college, I smiled.

My last year huh? It all felt too surreal, soon enough I would be saying goodbye to school forever and step out into the real world doing real things. No parents holding my hands, no scolding from Mikasa or worried glances from Armin. I would be an adult, free to experience life on my  _ own _ . My heart sank at that thought and my eyes dragged to my mirror that was littered with pictures I had taken over the years of me and all my friends. The excited, smiling faces of Connie and Sasha at our prom. Mikasa, Armin and me posing together, even Jean was stuck in there a few times. A few others such as Ymir and Historia when we all went out to the cabin for our graduation party, but my eyes didn’t go to any of those pictures. They landed on a single picture of me, Levi, and Hanji all posing together for a picture. Yeah, Hanji was over enthused and Levi quite unimpressed, I was genuinely happy all together. Did I really want a world without Levi?

I sighed heavily and shook my head, pushing out of my bedroom with my bag hanging over my shoulder. I didn’t have a choice, I had to eventually come to terms with the fact that Levi wasn’t going to be mine, he was Erwins, the blonde made that more than clear.

I had gotten drunk at Levi’s house, Levi had gone to take a shower and I got a  _ little _ too honest with Erwin.

“You know, when we met I was coming over to confess to Levi.” That’s what I meant to say, but I’m sure it was slurred beyond belief though somehow the blonde figured out what I had said.

“Confess what?” He didn’t need my answer, I could see the anger barely held back by his composed features. “Do you really think he would have wanted a kid like you? Especially when he had me? Fuck. Good thing I was around so he didn’t have to break your little heart.” That pissed me off in more ways than one, of course I couldn’t voice that anger, it came out as a jumbled mix of words that even Erwin couldn’t understand. I only stopped when Levi came back. I don’t know what pissed me off more, Erwin or the fact that Levi was wearing nothing but a towel, covered in hickeys and bites that were obviously inflicted by Erwin.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was as strong as ever but still concerned, his brows furrowed as he looked between me and Erwin. I huffed and stood up, glancing between the two before speaking again.

“Nothing, I’m calling a cab and going home.”

Let’s just say that no one ever mentioned this event again, I’m assuming Levi thought it was for the best since I was drunk, but the truth had still been spilled over to Erwin and the man got dangerously possessive over the raven, purposely boiling me every time I came over.

Why did I still go to Levi’s house? It was all the way across town, it was always for no more than an hour because I couldn’t stand Erwin always holding onto Levi like a doll, kissing his neck while he stared at me, his hands traveling places that I would never see. I had capped my anger a long time ago but it didn’t take much force to unleash it again. Levi could live without me, I would just be an annoying memory in his past but still - I couldn’t let him go.

That brings us to now. When I’m walking out the door and heading to the bus stop to head to Levi’s to tell him about my first day. He said he wanted to hear about it so why the fuck not, right? Though it was strange, the man never really seemed to question my academic life, or anything for that matter but I couldn’t have cared less, if he just  _ looked _ at me it was enough.

‘On my way.’ I text to him as the bus arrives, he sees the message but never answers, I assume that’s enough of an answer anyway.

Levi would hate to ride the bus, it’s riddled with germs and oily windows and dirty floors, his OCD would flare up and try to clean the entire place, probably asking passengers to move so every spot could be sterilized. I chuckled and shook my head, putting my headphones in and turning my music on to listen to.

~~

I glanced over Levi’s house curiously. Erwin wasn’t home, his car was gone. Usually the blonde would do anything to make sure I didn’t show up without his supervision so  _ why _ was he gone now? 

I shook my head and walked up to the door, knocking a nice little tune, smiling as Levi shouted from inside. 

“Stop that shit you brat! Just come in!” Levi hated my door chimes, I used to use his doorbell as my preferred instrument but after he uninstalled it (because of me) I had to resort to my hand and his wooden door.

I stopped my knocking and stepped inside, glancing around the quiet area as I slipped my shoes off and walked over to the living room, that’s where Levi was most of the time. He sat on the couch curled up in a knitted blanket, I couldn’t help but to smile at that; It was the blanket that my mother had made him when his mother passed away, from that point on it had always been neatly folded on the back of his couch for easy access, this was the first time I had seen him use it though.

“Where’s Erwin?” My question couldn’t be held back. The man was always persistent with being there when I was, something was up.

“Business trip.” Levi’s lips seemed to curl into a frown, I found myself subconsciously frowning at the sight, my instincts to rush over and gather Levi up strong. I did walk over, but I planted myself on the other couch, my eyes turning to the television to see what Levi was watching, an old eighties cartoon, I chuckled but didn’t question it.

“For how long? A couple days I’m guessing. Where did he go?” A heavy sigh filled the room followed by the sounds of Levi sitting up on the couch, the blue and green blanket resting on his shoulders. I frowned again at how utterly  _ broken  _ Levi looked, even if he wasn’t doing much more than frowning, slightly.

“He went to Japan, for a year.” I wanted to jump for joy and shout to the heavens, whoever the hell gave Erwin that chance to go alone was amazing because now I got a chance to be alone with Levi for a solid year. Still, I managed to keep my frown, shuffling closer to Levi.

“Will you be alright? I can come visit more, I’m sure Hanji can cook you some food.” If you needed to know one thing about living with Levi, you needed to know that he can’t cook anything else than instant noodles or microwave dinners. Good luck feeding yourself.

“Hanji? Cook for me? Don’t make me laugh.” Levi rolled his eyes, pulling the blanket closer. I did notice he didn’t say anything about me visiting more, but him being silent usually meant yes, so I took it that way. And that, was going to go well for my plans.

Perhaps I didn’t have to give up on Levi yet.


	5. Chasing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: Affection - Cigarettes After Sex https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5soixb2U6xM (I recommend putting the speed on 1.5)
> 
> Sorry for the late update, I've been slacking xD This one is short, mainly because I wrote a part of it earlier this month and then stopped until today and forgot where I wanted to go with it.

It didn’t matter how hard I tried to make Levi happy or stop frowning so much, he looked so sad. I found myself wishing Erwin would come back just so Levi would stop looking so fucking depressed. 

“Have you called him?” Why was I asking? Why was I bringing Erwin up, he was supposed to be an afterthought now, something in the past, a distant concern. But no.

“No, I won’t for awhile either.” His words were like venom, his shoulders falling further as he tugged the blanket tighter around his body. I felt a certain part of me rise up at that sight, remembering how utterly useless I felt after the whole confessing to Levi ordeal. I had curled up like that many times, feeling so helpless to the anger and sadness that desperately tried to tear me in half. I saw that part of me in Levi, only this time, I didn’t want to see that, I didn’t want to see this distraught side of Levi when I was incapable of doing anything.

“Why?” I winced as soon as my question came out, Levi was glaring daggers at me, his hands curling into tight fists. I quickly tried to say ‘ _ Don’t worry about it! _ ’ but before I could get my words out Levi was already at it.

“He never fucking warned me about the trip, he just...he just basically told me yesterday and forced me to drive him to the airport…” It wasn’t hard to see how torn up Levi was over this. He was shaking, his eyes flashing between a hard anger and soft sadness with every other word. Every cell in my body seemed to instinctively tell me to just abandon all previous worries and gather Levi up in my arms - I had dedicated my life to this man, I knew him better than Erwin, I knew that the blonde wasn’t right for Levi. I had decided that years ago but perhaps this was my first time truly believing that, there had always been  _ “But Levi looks so happy!” _ or  _ “Levi spends all of his time with Erwin!” _ But now, now I was admitting that perhaps Levi could do better than Erwin, even if that wasn’t me.

I didn’t stride over and pull Levi into a tight, loving embrace, I didn’t coo in his ear or tell him that it would get easier, I didn’t whisper soft words or cadle him. No. I just scooted closer and  _ carefully _ took one of Levis hands, squeezing it reassuringly with a gentle smile.

“Why don’t we go out to the park tonight?”

\--

“Eren! Stop I’m going to break it!” Levi shouted at me, his legs tucked tightly under him and his arms wrapped around the metal chains of the swings. I could only laugh and keep pushing the ravenette higher into the evening sky.

“Oh  _ please _ Levi, you’re the size of my thumb and weigh no more than a stack of ten pieces of paper, you’re not breaking that.” My words were joking, playful. Levi knew this but I had still treaded into dangerous waters talking about his height. He desperately tried to turn to glare at me, only to gasp and clutch onto the chains tighter.

“Better let me down you shit-faced brat!” After years and years of Levi’s creative tongue, I was immune to his insults and warnings. Sure it often lead to bruises and the occasional black eye if I  _ really _ worked Levi up, but it was all worth it.

Regardless, I had to eventually do as Levi asked. I grabbed the swing seat, clutching onto Levi’s hips as best as I could as well so he wouldn't fly off, and pulled it down to a stop, stepping back once the swing was at a halt.

“I hate you.” He hissed, blue-grey eyes glaring at me, I just grinned smugly back, shrugging as he stood on shaking legs. He never was a huge fan of swings. Aha.

“If you hate me you wouldn’t be tolerating me, would you?” I pointed out with a smug grin, ruffling Levi’s hair before running off, the angry ravenette fuming as he chased after me. 

We were adults playing in a park after hours, all the children resting in bed or playing with their toys in the bath, that meant it was the perfect time for weed-smoking teens, drunken adults, and crazy people to come out. To anyone else Levi and I looked like a pair of drunken baboons, even if we were sober and well.

“Hey…” Levi hummed, leaning against my shoulder. I tensed and gripped the wooden bench between my legs tightly at the gentle contact, biting my lip before glancing down to him. He looked euphoric, calm and at ease, he was happy...his anger long gone, if I was allowed to, I would have leaned forward and kissed those soft lips. If only.

“Hey yourself.” Smooth Eren. I still laughed and glanced up to the dark sky as Levi grumbled and elbowed me in the side. “But seriously, what’s up?” I ask, glancing back down to Levi again, his bitter expression quickly fading away.

“I just wanted to say thanks…” His voice was soft, quiet, he even went as far as scooting closer and burying himself into my neck. God if Erwin was there I would be dead but he wasn’t, and he wouldn’t be for a long time. I could have easily taken Levi’s actions one way but really we were just friends that had lasted a lifetime, we were close...this is what close friends did...right?

“Don’t worry about it, honestly I hate seeing you worked up over Erwin...I-” I cut myself off there, chuckling to try and redeem myself for cutting my words off so suddenly. As if I would tell Levi that he deserved better than that asshat, he would glare at me and shove me away, Levi loved Erwin still even if he had pulled this bullshit move on him.

“You what?” Of course Levi wouldn’t let it go, I just shook my head, eyes wide as I licked my dry lips, eyes trailing over Levi’s features while I tried to figure out the right thing to say, to Levi it would have been me deciding if it was the right thing to say.

“I don’t know what kind of friend I would be if I just let you sulk all alone, at least let me sulk with you?” I laughed, my arm snaking around Levi’s waist to gently squeeze him. He wasn’t laughing.

Levi physically deflated, obviously expecting something else but I wasn’t sure what that was. He forced a weak smile and nodded before resting his chin on my shoulder.

“I suppose you’re right...Anyway, you haven’t talked to me about your first day, what was it like?” His question was a coverup, I could feel my heart breaking at how broken Levi was even if he had been enjoying himself. Still, I forced a smile and told Levi about my day.

Given the reputation I had received as a freshman four years ago I had no friends, they were all the ones I had from high school and all of them had gone to different schools, what I’m trying to say is that my University life has been boring, my social life laid with Levi and Erwin, perhaps the occasional phone call from Mikasa and Armin, but that was it. I focused on my studies and my guitar (though the guitar part of that was still a secret to Levi), I wasn’t complaining, I wanted that degree and I could always see myself in the future working in a studio writing music, I had even managed to write a few pieces now all of which were dedicated to Levi...He didn’t have to know that either.


End file.
